


Fortress

by QueenOfAshes



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sad Otabek, Teddy Bears, beka bear, lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:33:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12515996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfAshes/pseuds/QueenOfAshes
Summary: Otabek has to be the best and he is commited to be, but new challenges are always frustrating at first.





	Fortress

 

Attempting a new quad was always a hassle. It required more hard work than usual, tons of frustration, tons of falling and getting up. The bad feelings were multiplied tenfold when one of his failures affected the overall performance, just like today.

 

Otabek wanted to master the quad lutz, but the practice had been so exhausting and fruitless so far he was considering to let that dream go to the sink and stick with what he already had and perfection it the best he could. But he then, would need to go back to the problem that let him consider the lutz in first place, his current program wasn’t enough. The start of the season was near for him and it seemed he had a long way to go  before he could do what he wanted to do. He wanted gold in the Grand Prix Final.

 

He skated through the rink winning speed as he tried again.

 

He lacked flexibility. He lacked speed. He lacked rotations. He fell on the ice for the seventh time that day, listening to his coach yelling something about practicing the whole routine. His music started and he followed the rhythm with open arms, trying to keep himself steady. His first jump, the triple axel was right at the beginning of his program, he prepared and...He didn't make it, finding the ice as the hard mattress it was. He got up quickly, exhausted, he had to be better than this.

Nikiforov was always a monster. Last season he wasn't competing, but in the meantime, he created another beast, Yuuri Katsuki. It was useless to think in Yuri Plisetsky, too; his constitution allowed him beautiful poses and the Russian style was beyond him. Of course, there was also Jean-Jacques Leroy, who was an excellent jumper and even with his failures he stood above him in the last Grand Prix Final and the Four Continents of last season.

 

He needed to do something, he needed to train as hard as he could, he needed to be best than himself. He prepared to do a combination jump, a quad-double...He fell again. Practice was fruitless so far, he started his step sequence, and it seemed it was the only thing he mastered that day. The camel spin that came after was flawless, preparing for his last jump,  the quad lutz he had been practicing before.

 

He fell and he didn’t met the rotations required either. He confused the edges and he ended up doing a flutz that didn’t met a nice landing.

 

The music stopped and his coach was definitely not amused when he came back to the edge rink, frustrated and angry with himself. He hadn't landed a single jump that day, and the coach told him to go home. He didn't want to, he wanted to keep training, but he insisted to the point he denied the access to the rink in order he didn’t get hurt. He knew his coach only wanted him good, but he just didn’t understand the pressure he had under him, he must keep training! Day and night if it was possible, he was so far away...

 

He was good in artistry, but he needed more than that to win gold, he needed to become a good jumper. He resigned and left the rink after a little discussion, he went out in the streets in the night and began walking.

He felt so frustrated, he put his earphones on and listened to some random music loud enough just not to hear his own thoughts on his way home. He is better than this; he can be better than this, and he didn't like that far away voice telling him he had no chance against the others, that he was far behind and he wouldn't stand higher than he is now.

 

He didn't need that. He wasn't going to let that get to him. Bad thoughts. No good.

 

But it was too late. His breathing became harder and a tear was falling on the edge of his right eye. He wiped it away immediately as he picked up the pace running to his department, entering in a rush and slamming the door shut, straight to his room. He lived alone but still he closed the door of his room locked.

 

It's been a while since he cried, and usually he held back, but today he just couldn't. He let all that that tears fall down his cheeks, curling in his bed taking his Teddy bear with him, the one he has had since he was a little boy.

 

It didn't matter if Otabek was a grown up man, he still liked bears, and he guarded with all his care a huge collection of them, most of it, gifts he received from fans. Then he remembered, when he was a kid when watching the Teddy in his arms, the thing he used to do when he felt broken.

 

He put a blanket on the floor and then opened his closet. He retrieved a bag full of stuffed animals, most of them bears. He put the bears aside and one by one he made a circle with them, he found his bear suit and he wore it with no shame, feeling the soft fabric around all his skin. He was already beginning to feel better. For the last step, he put himself in the middle of the blanket, surrounded by his bears and hugging his big Teddy bear, closing his eyes, lying on the blanket with his headphones on, he cried a little more, because of rage, frustration, pain.

 

He let all of that go until nothing more came out from his puffy red eyes, he felt tired, and in the end he fell asleep. When the alarm came off, it was already time to train in the morning. He felt better, he felt relieved.

 

He watched what he had done and smiled tenderly to his fortress of Teddy bears of different sizes and colors before getting up and get ready.

 

Today was another day. It was time to get up again. Skating was his passion and he wouldn’t let a bad day ruin the work of many.

 

Today he would keep trying, and definitely, he was sure, today was gonna be better than yesterday.

**Author's Note:**

> People always picture Otabek as a tough, strong, manly boy, but I know he has a soft, fragile side.  
> For @otabek-altin-week in tumblr, Day 2: Beka Bear.
> 
> Thx for reading! <3


End file.
